The Year of Radical Acceptance
Have you ever been so caught up in something small that happened and now your whole day is ruined? Have you ever been unable to remember why you’re pissed off in the first place? Or maybe something big happened in your life, leaving you bitter, angry and hopeless more often than not? Sounds like you may need to just, well, radically accept that life sucks sometimes and that sometimes bad things happen to good people. If you’re ready to heal, move forward and learn how to manage the uncomfortable feelings that come with life, maybe it’s time to do something out of the ordinary, some may even call it, radical.
What Radical Acceptance is NOT:
Before we dive into what radical acceptance is, and why you should apply it to your everyday life, we first must understand what radical acceptance is not. When we talk about radical acceptance we are not talking about approval. It is not approval of our reality, our situations, lives, moments or the world. In fact, most often when we choose to practice radical acceptance we choose to stop ignoring reality, we choose to see it as it is, even when it is unpleasant. Radical acceptance is also not passive, or giving up, in fact radical acceptance often ramps up problem solving and movement toward change. When thinking about needing to quit smoking we must first accept the reality of addiction. In order to let go of being angry about a past experience, we must accept that it happened and we cannot change it. In order to manage our depression, we must first accept that we are struggling. We don’t have to like it, we don't have to approve, but we must accept it if we want to change.
Complete & Total
The concept of radical acceptance is simple, we are accepting our reality for what it is, nothing more and nothing less. When we practice radical acceptance we are making a conscious effort to keep our pain from turning into suffering, we do this by shifting our mindset. With that said, practicing the skill is a lot harder because if you’re anything like any other human in the world, accepting unpleasant things is hard. When we talk about radical acceptance we are talking about accepting a situation as it is right now, completely and totally. The good, the bad, the ugly.
Imagine you’re in a traffic jam and now you’re pissed off, you’re going to be late to work, you’re going to be late to your appointment, and now your entire day is ruined which leads you to be rude to coworkers. That sounds like a really unpleasant chain of events, and it is the reality for many of us. Let’s look at the same situation from a different lens, you’re in a traffic jam, you allow yourself to be annoyed, but you accept the fact that there is no way you can make it to work on time. You’ve accepted reality, you call to reschedule your meeting and now your entire day is not ruined. You’re still late to work, but you’re not miserable. Now, when we look at something bigger like a life changing accident, a divorce, losing a job, or even trauma, radical acceptance can be more complex, it will take practice and it will take you radically accepting over, and over, and over. Radical acceptance is a mindset, it is a choice we make to accept our reality instead of getting stuck in our heads going over situations that we cannot change. Radical acceptance means that we accept that really awful thing that happened to us, we stop playing the “what if?” game that only sinks us deeper into unwanted feelings and thoughts. If you can do this, if you can accept reality, even when you don’t like it, you will start to move forward towards healing and growth.
Life is Still Worth Living
If you’re ready to start practicing radical acceptance, keep in mind that this skill does not just happen on its own. Practicing this skill in an effective way takes time, practice and a conscious effort towards the way you handle situations and the emotions that come along with it. Sometimes we are able to radically accept the small things, but may need the help of a trained professional, like a therapist, to help us in our journey of tackling the big things. No matter how you choose to practice this new skill in the new year is up to you, but remember that life is worth living and there are alternatives to choosing to stay miserable, simply because we cannot accept our reality. If you start to practice radical acceptance and find yourself wanting more practical skills to manage through life, I welcome you to book a consultation with me. Let's have a deeper conversation about how therapy can help you become more skillful.
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