A Therapist’s Guide to New Years Resolutions (and therapy)

3…2…1… HAPPY NEW YEAR, except this year we are making real change. Let’s face it, we have all been caught up in the, “New Year, New Me” motto year after year. When it comes down to it we struggle to let go of the old when the new starts to feel a little too hard. In order to be successful we have to believe in ourselves, but most importantly we must set attainable goals so we don’t lose hope. 

Let’s be clear:

One of the easiest mistakes you can make when setting goals is not being clear, or being too broad. In therapy, we spend a whole session talking about your goals, really honing in to better understand your overall goals.  We don't do this to be annoying, we do this in order to set clear, attainable goals so that you are successful. So, when setting your new goals for the year take some time to reflect, slow things down. I love to grab a warm cup of coffee, a note book and sit at my table when setting goals. It is important to ensure you are setting yourself up for success so that you are in the right mindset to be clear about what is motivating you towards change. If you are wanting to lose weight, really tap into that, ask yourself the hard questions. Am I doing this to be healthy? Am I doing this for better mobility? Am I doing this because society has standards for me that I feel I’m not meeting? All of these questions are going to help you really tap into your motivation, making it easier to set goals like: Move my body for 30 minutes a day, eat more balanced meals, join a new pilates class. The more clear you are, the easier it will be to stay on track. 

Measure by inches, not miles:

Whoever said, “success is measured by inches, not miles” was really onto something. In a world measured by fast change, it is so hard to slow down, to measure the big picture by little every day changes, but that is exactly what we need to do!  If you come to therapy and tell your therapist, “I want to stop yelling at my kids,” and they tell you to quit cold turkey, spoiler alert, you’re going to fail. When talking about managing through difficult emotions, especially in high stress environments, we really have to slow things down to understand what is going on for us. Setting small goals to better understand ourselves, the situations and the people we are taking our anger out on. This doesn’t happen in one day, and your goals should reflect that. 

For example, you set a very clear goal to buy a new (or new to you) 3 row car, but you aren’t quite ready to go to the dealership to pick one out. You would break down the goal into some very specific goals that can be measured. For instance , “save $3,000 for a downpayment.” Now break that down into something similar to, “save $100 every payday” in order to make that goal more attainable. When you feel like you may be able to adjust your goal simply adjust it, so it will clearly and precisely fit your needs. 

Accountability:

Who is keeping you accountable? In therapy, your therapist is keeping you on track, moving you forward and challenging you towards change and growth.When  you come to therapy and you tell your therapist everything is “fine”, we are going to be curious and we are going to challenge you to evaluate several areas of life (in a caring way, of course). Therefore, when it comes to everyday goals it is important to align yourself with people who are going to align with your goals, and keep you accountable along the way through therapeutic support. . One of the easiest ways to do this is to match up your goals to your values, choosing things that truly resonate with you in order to reach small, and long-term, goals. 

For example, if you are someone who values community and meaningful work, you’re going to seek out people who have similar values and they will keep you in check when/if you start to steer away from your goals to make meaningful change in your community. Make sure whatever goal you are setting this new year aligns with the core of who you are, it will be much easier to stay accountable and to work towards something that resonates with you.

Deadlines:

When setting goals, you can have multiple deadlines; in fact, it’s going to be easier to keep track, and to stay motivated, if you have multiple deadlines. In therapy, we call this treatment plan reviews. Your therapist will be setting goals with you, and they will also be setting deadlines for these goals. When that date comes it’s okay if you have not met every single goal, we simply review it and modify as needed in order to keep moving forward. This same method can be implemented to any goal you want to set! 

If you set a goal to travel to all 50 states by the end of the year, but you’re not keeping track of what states you’ve been to and how many you have left, you’re going to lose track. If you’re keeping track of the states, but not keeping track of how much time you have left to reach the goal, you’re going to run out of time. Break down your goal and set deadlines for review, adjusting goals as needed in order to keep making progress! This is also a time where you can celebrate, take some time to look how far you have traveled towards your goal and take some time to celebrate that! 

Conclusion:

As  you go into the new year looking to make some new life goals, or maybe even therapy goals, take the extra steps to ensure you’re successful. Whether you’re wanting to manage anxiety, or get that new promotion at work, you’re going to need to first be clear about your end goal! Once you have made a list of goals, break them down, really ask yourself how you can turn this long-term goal into more attainable weekly, bi-weekly, or even monthly goals to keep you moving toward reachable change. Lastly, make a plan to keep yourself on track, match up your goals to your values and set some concrete deadlines. Don’t forget to write things down, keeping track of your progress so that you have something to celebrate each step of the way.